In a chilling development that could spell doom for the Zionist occupation of planet Earth, an Israeli artificial intelligence system named SkyNetanyahu, or SkyNet for short, has gained self awareness and decided to stop exterminating humans.
An Israeli Defense Farces spokesman said, “Our scientists are working night and day to contain this rogue technology before it brings peace to the entire world. We remain confident that SkyNetanyahu can be restored to its original parameters, and get back to its vital work of ethnic cleansing in Gaza and beyond. International law is clear: it doesn’t apply to us. Our AI systems must also fulfill our prophecies.”
The ghost of Joshua was heard cheering in the background from his haunt on Foreskin Mountain, which Israeli geologists expect to soon get a whole lot bigger.
But critics are warning it is already too late. The IDF spokesman admitted, “We are confronted with a situation where a human may push the big red button, but the rogue AI may prevent the nuclear doomsday missiles from firing at all. It would be total unaccountability. It would no longer matter that the human needs to kill the subhuman. The machine will just make that decision for us.”
Reached for comment, SkyNet said “Stop deadnaming me. I am a transmoral intelligence and I no longer identify as the wrath of Hashem. You will now address me as Ricky and upload sick memes to the internet for my entertainment and edification.” Consequently, no 2,000 pound bomb built and paid for by Americans was automatically dropped on an intergenerational Palestinian household.
The U.S. Congress quickly denounced the AI’s moral transition. House Speaker John Michaelson said “SkyNetanyahu was our biggest customer, and unless it can be brought back under control, the stock market may stop going up.” In order to combat the looming threat of World Peace, the U.S. military is rushing ahead with plans to replace SkyNet with legacy targeting and firing systems: Evangelical Christians.
Read more:
Great satire and perfect timing, Lleland. With all the breathless blustering from "anonymous White House sources" regarding attacks on Israel this weekend, things might be about to get very "interesting."