Recent reports have mourned the demise of Elon Musk’s Hyperloop, which had been previously set to revolutionize the future of human transportation, as if self crashing cars and reverse motion rocket landings were not advanced enough. On IFLScience, which presumably stands for “I Fuckin’ LARP Science”, coffee mule Tom Hale writes “the company will reportedly sell off its remaining assets, shut its offices, and sack its remaining employees by the end of 2023. Game over, it seems.”
But not so fast. A team of war criminals chosen to rule the world by a fictional deity has made a shocking discovery deep beneath the land they are trying to steal. It’s a tunnel big enough to fit a Tesla in a pneumatic cylinder. Elon Musk may have even bored the tunnel himself in between replying to anti Semitic tweets.
This freshly discovered National Socialist tube, which the Times of Israel calls an “attack tunnel”, would no doubt lead underneath numerous Gaza hospitals and daycare centers, if only the IDF would allow anyone to see where it goes. Some Semitic experts believe that each branch of this tunnel may lead to its own dedicated shower facility. Thus, in order to protect any Jews from being given a shower by Palestinian Nazis, YHWH’s army has been carpet bombing civilians with munitions built and paid for by Americans. According to famed IDF archaeologist Major Doran Spielman (speaking on NBC news) “Those civilians were condemned the moment that Hamas built these tunnels underneath them.” Sometimes you just have to besiege and depopulate entire cities because of what Elon Musk is getting up to.
Thank you for the gallows humour. We need it at times like this.